the real cost

There’s always a price for everything.

Yesterday, SB19’s official media accounts announced the ticket price point for their KickOff concert for SimulaatWakas on May 31, 2025 at the Philippine Arena. It was the amount I was expecting, and as expected, I am in no guarantee that I will be able to afford it. Maybe yes, I may buy–look for ways to have the 15,000 for the VVIP ticket– but this desire to watch the concert, how much will it really cost me?

The year 2024 was a real hard and challenging one for me in every aspects of my life. I got heartbroken – so much so that it triggered so many unresolved issues of my younger years: I then began to refuse seeing and talking to people; I would find myself crying at 1 o’clock in the morning not knowing why and how I must stop; I barely sleep for good 5 hours straight; I couldn’t work [well, I don’t want to], I have a lot of financial obligations that I couldn’t attend to. I was delinquent with my bills, had piles of credit after credit – until I have nothing left (no more savings, extra protection coverage, investments) – but credit — credit that inflates. Was I moved to get up, pull myself together, and work the hell out? Definitely.. not.

All these simply piled up into a big shit of me.

Don’t I love the work I do? Am I not anymore the free-spirited, carefree me, who would always be the life of the party? Can I find another reason not to go on ending my own life, besides my dog?

All these questions simply scared the shit out of me.

It took me an entire year to be “okay” emotionally. But I can’t forget that financially and professionally.. I was in a quicksand. It’s been months, and the truth is – I really haven’t recovered completely; still in mess (the mess of my own making). The year of lost me cost me so much money, opportunity, and energy. All of which I have been in difficulty retrieving.

When SB19 announced that they will have a comeback concert, I was evaluating my desire to attend. I was asking myself, Gustong gustong gustong gusto ko ba? To be honest.. not really. This is what’s wrong with me. I haven’t really had anything for a long time that I so much desire for, that I’ll do whatever it takes to have it. Since I went full time in the sales industry, I didn’t really have my why put in place. When I was in my 20s, I was working even 2-3 jobs, earning more than enough, traveling when I want and can–simply put, it was enough for me. My only desire is to send my brother to school, and support my grandmother. At present, my brother’s graduated and now working, and my grandmother is dead.

In retrospect, the only reason I might really go to SB19’s concert is for Pablo. In my mind (or delusions, I couldn’t decide), we would meet, fall in love, and become a couple. Outrageous as it sounds, I am sincerely thinking and planning for it. I never wanted to meet Pablo and he’d see me as a fangirl. I can’t – because he would treat me as one. When I’m asked if I’d buy a ticket for the concert, I’d reason my desire to meet Pablo in a different light. Partly that is true, but last night I was thinking, if I have the surplus money of 15,000Php, would I not buy? I probably will.

Then it has one main concern after all: money. Or the absence of it.

If I go to this concert, I’ll tick one of my 2025 Life Bingo’s items. That’s a win for me. But this also means I might be late for paying some of my credit card and household bills. I am still in the process of financial recovery, and in all objectivity, I am in no position to spend for leisure (anything that won’t give me ROI technically); hence, I must not spend for the SimulaatWakas concert.

In a bigger picture, this would give me so much happiness (I know), but this could also be the cycle’s repeat. I will go back to the financial doom I have buried myself into in the past. This is no longer amounting to just 15 pieces of 1000Php. This will be so much more.

In the end, there’s a real cost for what I want.. and I’m certain this is more than the price point of any concert ticket. #