5 Words

written on: January 22, 2015 at 10:16am

Enough words can be said in a minute. And I’ve uttered too much. 

If only my words count one-by-one, it would’ve monitored my over-to-the-limit lexis. If only I could shut up in a minute or two and cease myself from exploding. If only..but I can’t. And so you did. 

You ceased…
From talking. 
From listening. 
From caring. 
From loving. 
From loving me. 

And I ran. I didn’t say words. 
I’ve almost choked to death of my excessive words. I swallowed them all so I can just come to you and say 5 words. 

5 words. 
I have long kept those. 
I was never brave to unveil those from the stockroom of my diction. 
I had these 5 powerful words I could’ve said on that day I chose to curse. To get mad. To hate you. 

I could’ve said those words. 
But I didn’t. 
Maybe because of 1 word that whispers to me. “Afraid.”

And I would deny it. 
Saying I am not. 
I am not “Afraid.”
Never. 

Not until I talked
..and you weren’t by me to listen. 

Not until I’m gasping my breath running to you. Hoping you can hear the 5 words I’ve long kept. 

Not until I was stuck in that bench where we used to laugh together. Sharing stories of words we don’t tell anyone. 

Not until you gave me a one-word gift you put in a box.
You’re also “Afraid.” I believe. 

Not until I opened the box you left. 

“Goodbye.” It says. 

And I ceased..
From talking to anyone passing by asking what could happen to the woman on the bench sobbing alone. 
From listening to the scream of the wind saying it was my fault.
From caring about how I look. Or how I smell. Or how I think I am. 
From loving…
Because it’s hard. 


One more word. “Sorry.”