Beyb, you are enough.

September 22, 2014 at 9:14am

It was a figure I saw from afar. Despite the distance, I was more than sure it was you. It’s the same petite body I knew since I was 14. The same young girl-like that I talked to one cold night of August in 2013. Maybe I really know you so much that even without crossing the street yet to reach you, it seems I could smell your cologne, touch your big-volumized hair that shines like ink. I knew it’s you. Over and over I was thinking what to tell you. It was 5pm, and it took me 5 hours to finally realize what you must hear from me.

We know well what you’ve done. Even the people outside your circle know what you are capable of when it comes to what they believe to call “love”.

6 years is short to prove a love of forever, but it’s also long to make necessary decisions in your life. You’re not getting younger. Right now, the least you could do is decide for yourself. Know what you want. Exclude that person you deem everything in your world which is gradually becoming nothing but a shadow of that person’s life. You’re not a shadow of anyone. You are not like a diary kept underneath a pillow sheet and would be out when one feels like writing into it. You are the pen in writing a diary. Without you, it would be impossible to jot one’s ideas on that paper.

Your body is small, but your heart is much bigger than you. Even from afar, your heart, overflowing with love, radiates. But I see holes in that heart. For the last few years, you’ve abused your heart. What you’re doing is worse than causing your heart to palpitate. You’re causing your own heart to have cardiac arrest. You seem not to stop until your heart is nothing but a grain of sand.

You gave all that you can.

You were happy with that.

But as I look at you near, I see tears in those eyes. I smell pain in your nose. I taste grief in your mouth. I hear anger in your ears.

I know you are becoming less and less the Maricar I knew when I was 14 years old. Not the same Maricar I talked to on that cold night of August 2014.

You are by far the woman with the strongest heart that I know. And I know you know that.

But this is already the finish line. But this is also your beginning.

This is gonna be difficult. Because wherever you’re going, he’s not gonna be there anymore. But don’t you ever forget, that without him, you can bravely face the world. Your strong heart as your weapon. It may be broken, but you know that it’s possible to fight and love this world with a broken heart. You can draw your own horizons even if you think you’re never an artist. You can see beyond, because out there–outside your world without him–life is waiting for you.

I’m not bringing you there.

Your parents would not want to bring you as well.

You can not expect him to be with you.

Because this time, you are opening your doors and windows..on your own.

Because this time, you and you alone will be enough.