Codename:BESTFRIEND*

February 17, 2015 at 3:51pm

Maybe I’m the worst “best friend” anyone could have.

In my 22 years of existence, I had already accumulated a bunch of what they call “best friend”.

My #1 saw me in undies. Received slaps and punches because I was too selfish a sister to my brother. He was just tickling my 2-year old brother and I would get mad. I don’t want him to touch my sibling. But he was a playmate. My refuge because his being 5-year advanced to me saved him from any kind of immaturity. I never received a slap from him, nor a playful punch. He was a gentleman and a friend that I saw a lifetime of friendship with–just the two of us in Manila. While I was studying in college, he was already working. But all were but dreams. I was only 7 when I thought it’s possible. On my 16th birthday, I heard he got married. I was happy for him. But maybe, it was not enough. Because after my 7th year of stay in our place, there was not much talking. Even if I go home to our province, we already matured, and grew up without each other. I lost ‘Bestfriend’ #1 when I thought our friendship would last. (That was a not-so-good-kind-of-a-bye, Mac-Mac.)

In between years of gap with #1, I met ‘bestfriend’ #2. She came into my life while in front of our classroom, I was sitting alone on a desk for two. That was the first day of my second grade, and a mother approached me asking “Neng, pwede bang tumabi sa’yo ang anak ko?” And with a smile, I nodded.
Divina is a typical-looking girl. She would always carry hanky with her to blow her nose. Until 5th grade, she really had problems with her running nose. Our friendship nourished, way beyond how Mac-Mac and I’s. Divina would go to our house, and I’ll be at theirs also. I would call her mom “tita” and my family knows her. My most memorable memory with her was when I went to Mindoro with her family. We are from Naujan, and they are in Victoria. We were so happy upon going home that we dropped by Lian, Batangas to get something from their relatives. She would introduce me “Si Billy Joy po.. Bestfriend ko.” Divina is an intelligent girl. From 2nd grade until we finished elementary school, she topped school. But I was not sure anymore if she did in the sixth grade, because something happened in our fifth grade that she needed to leave. That was nothing for me, at first. Until I reached sixth grade and realized I was with no one. And then I had ‘bestfriend’ #3. She’s like a daughter to me, although we’re classmates. She calls me Mami Billy. For the first in my life, I felt responsible to a person without a tinge of malice, but pure love. It was a year of friendship, but it seemed like a decade. We attended camps here and there. I visit at their and she did mine. Her family knows me and would always tell other people, “Ah, yan si Billy Joy. Bespren ni Ritz.”
I wasn’t sure at that time if it’s proper because it’s Divina’s title to me. But I got used to it eventually. Days and days, I started considering Ritz Joyce my ‘best friend’. But it was only a year of friendship together. We separated when we graduated. We went to different schools. 

What really triggered me to write this is the letter from Ritz Joyce I saw one night. She was telling me “best friend forever!!!” I thought it was that easy, until I knew it’s to be worked for. Because if I check my contacts now, Ritz Joyce is not even on the list. 

At the beginning of High School, Divina became again my closest friend. We went into the same school I was in. Sadly, she transferred in the next year. 
I had no one again. Until I got closer to Maricar and Katrina. We call each other “gaga”. We will text and call each other. We talk and share things we dare not divulge to others. We smirk on jokes we throw on others. Those were some of the days my high school life had its colors, until Maricar got closer to other girls. Forget about gaga. I had then my #4.

Since we’re only 2 in the “group” (well you know how friendships were in the younger years), we decided to change our endearment. We started calling each other “mareh.” Time and time again, I thought I’d stay that way until my last breath. Until Katrina closed her life from me (which I only knew the reasons years after). Given that she studies in Intramuros and I in Taft, in our entire college life, I only got to meet her a handful of times. I got then #5–Marvin John. 

Pretty well, Marvin and I got along with each other. Our funny comebacks to other people made our friendship and easier smooth-sailing. But with Marvin and I being too far, he in Laguna and I in Manila, meet ups were next to impossibility. Then a new “best friend” came. Alyssa. We had numerous fights and a major one. But after two years of no communication, she went into my house, with letters she wrote for the last two years. We talked, shed tears and finally reconciled. It was then she called me “bestfriend”. Until one day, I uttered a statement that I know broke her heart. And she was gone.

There was once in my life that a friend told me, “if you lose a friend, that person will never become one..” I don’t think so. They were all friends. I was just not so. 

Maybe it was my fault. 
Maybe I haven’t really found that person whom I’ll call my best friend, and live by my label. Or maybe I won’t find that anymore. 

Maybe, I’m really the worst “best friend” anyone could have.


*It took me five months to finish this. I didn’t know why…