It is not about a secretive romantic relationship.
Seeing the trailer and by the choice of actors, the film “Only We Know” gives an impression that it is merely a to-fight-for-kind-of-love between an old woman in her retirement years and a middle-aged man who recently lost his wife. The movie presents a typical life routine of a woman whose entire life was devoted to work–she is separated and has no child–as a college professor vis-a-vis an engineer whose life revolved around building his and his wife’s dream house, only to fall apart after a year when his wife died.
Betty (played by Charo Santos) meets Ryan (played by Dingdong Dantes) at an unusual moment–she was coming from doing her grocery shopping, and as she alights from the car, all the items fell on the road–where, incidentally, Ryan is fixing his car. The latter helps the former pick up the items.
The two meet–awkward at first–but by and by, the rest becomes history.
There are three concepts of the film that deserve unravelling. All of which, only those who know, know. Only we know–
Only We Know: The Undefined Connection
When Betty and Ryan met, neither was looking for a romantic partner. Their simple dinner invitations led to the disclosing of parts of their lives they would share intimately. Here and there, their friends would set them up with a couple of people; their friends urging them to date again, thinking that would “save” them.
They say that people have only one great love. There is this one person that will make us love greatly, exhausting all the bits of what we can offer, and that basically happens in a blue moon. Then if the person dies, or leaves for another partner.. how do we then deal with it? Can we no longer find another great love, for that matter? The movie leaves this afloat as both characters “lost” their “great love.” But when they met, they suddenly had the feeling of being connected again with someone special. Ryan thought all the while that it was Betty that needed him; it was, as he realized, the other way around. It was also the words of his wife, Sofia (played by Max Collins), that shifted his thinking: “Walang isang taong makakapagpasaya sa’yo nang buong buo.” We do find different connection and energy forms to each one we meet.
When we see a man and a woman making time for each other, opening each other’s house for their refuge, always together, we have the urge to know what is going on between the two. We think that when they act like a couple, we have the right to define it for them. Betty refused to be dictated by the people around her. At one point in the movie, she stood her ground, “May kanya kanya kayong buhay. Let me live mine,” addressing her ex-husband who would not insinuating that Betty and Ryan are, indeed, a couple.
Are Betty and Ryan really a couple? By some standards yes, in most, probably not. They just share such an inexplainable connection and energy between them.
I had a nice chat with a male friend recently. He mentioned how he knows he likes a woman: through an energy. He said he would desire to match the energy of the woman; wanting to connect to her more. Such is true for Betty and Ryan. They clicked automatically. No forcing needed.
Energies as such do not need definition. They have no need to define the connection.
Only We Know: The Weight of Being Alone
One thing common to both characters is that they live alone; whether they are sad or not was gradually revealed on the film.
As Betty and Ryan live different lives, the course of their experiences eventually led them to each other’s refuge. Several scenes and snippets highlight the life of both characters navigating their daily routine alone. Ryan lost his wife to brain aneurysm; Betty lost his husband to another woman he fell in love with. Both endings led to aloneness. Which one is worse? No one can say. But who handles it better? The movie offers a clear answer: It was Betty. But it was at the expense of her own life, when she explained why she no longer fear death–because she has “died” a number of times in her lifetime:
Ilang beses na rin akong namatay.. bilang babae–pero hindi ako magbubuntis. Bilang asawa–pero iniwan ako ng asawa. Picked myself up. Teaching became my passion. Bilang teacher–pero I retired; as if it’s nothing.
Losing a loved one to death is heartbreaking.
Losing a loved one to cheating is heartbreaking.
Both Betty and Ryan moved on with their lives with no choice. But does sadness go away? Do we really move on totally from losing someone we deemed part of our past? Their silence and choice to be on their own gives the answer.
They are in continual healing. In between are their job, friends, hobbies. But the one year of Ryan’s grief is nothing different from Betty’s twelve years of heartbreak.
When we are alone, someone’s presence could be a relief or a burden. People easily assume that when someone is on solo flight, s/he is in need of a guide, or a partner, for that matter. But there are things better handled alone, and there are things better faced with someone.
Either way, doing it on our own adds a certain weight to the life we already try to win at. People in crowd will never understand.
Only We Know: The Most Romantic Relationship
Societal norms dictate that the best kind of relationship is by marrying our best friend. Quite literal, but “marrying” could be in some kind of situations.
I have given malice to the film’s title and the possible story around it. After seeing it, with countless bawling and sobbing in the movie house, it was a real catharsis to be cleared with the overarching idea the movie intends to show:
“Friendship is the most romantic of all relationships.. Mas mapagbigay. Mas mapang-unawa. Mas malaya.”
When Betty said this, I was stricken. I realized how powerful friendships can be. In the film, Ryan needed healing from his wife’s death, and he got it from the friendship built with Betty. On the other hand, Betty needed a life companion as she battles with her medical condition, and she found it from the friendship built with Ryan.
When we see a man and a woman making time for each other, opening each other’s house for their refuge, always together, we have the urge to know what is going on between the two. We think that when they act like a couple, we have the right to define it for them. Well, we can define it: it’s friendship, and it is as romantic as how one ought it to be.
Because the social standards call for people’s connection to romantic relationships to lead to marriage to lead to procreation, we sometimes forget how valuable our friendships are. There is love, without needing the sex. There is presence, without needing the ring. There is forgiveness, without needing the legal obligations. Above all, there is freedom, without needing to be confined and caged.
Friendships give and receive love with no fear, no barrier, no conditions, no definitions. If it isn’t romantic enough, I don’t know what is.
We Know. We, certainly, know.
It’s been long since I cried as much as how I did watching the film.
The characters, relatable as they are, present a way of seeing a relationship that we create in this lifetime.
I cried hard on the scenes where they were alone. Maybe it’s sadness.
I cried harder when they started sharing personal things to each other. Maybe it’s longing.
I cried the hardest when they healed and moved forward together. Maybe it’s a relief.
Only we know. #
theWAISwoman 💪 
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